The Compassion Trap

Chumps so desperately want cheaters to show some compassion, to hold them, and say “everything is going to be all right.” But it often doesn’t play out that way, does it? What usually happens is that the cheater wants compassion from the chump. Tell me you’re not going to tell anyone! Tell me you aren’t going to divorce me over this! You must understand that I am grieving too! (Grieving the affair partner.)


I blog about infidelity and often get taken to task for not being compassionate towards cheaters. My answer to that usually is — there are many other places on the Internet that offer compassion to cheaters, and not just compassion, but in other quarters, celebration of their infidelities as sexy and risk taking. My business is compassion for chumps. But, the argument goes — what if it were you? Can’t you imagine doing something horrible for which you need forgiveness and were being denied?

Tracy Schorn Blogger at Chump Lady,